Making sense of my thoughts

I have 2 hours to spare on my flight to Rome from Paris. So here I am again, finding time to put my thoughts into words. It’s been a rocky few weeks, struggling with insecurities. Drowning in worry of the uncertainty that lies ahead. Giving power to negative thoughts as positive ones were seemingly way out of reach.

Hey, I know it’s impossible to not feel worried, scared and insecure. But letting it get to you? That’s what been happening silently to me across the last few weeks. Well, not so silent now that I’m writing about it and trying to make sense of it all. To be in a better place right after I write. 

Our minds, are the strangest things – impossible to throughly grasp. More often than not, we find new things that tug at our heartstrings almost immediately after conquering emotional hurdles. Whether we have the courage admit to it, that’s another story. 

I find myself tossing and turning in bed. Thinking about the future, the risks I’m taking as I take another step forward. I find myself struggling to accept the fact that no matter how much we plan and chart our course, something will go wrong. Life will throw you a curveball you wouldn’t even see coming. I’ve also realised that we’ve never given a hurdle too big for us to handle. Give it days, months or maybe years – It’ll always get better if we never give up on ourselves. 

I also found myself wondering if the reason for emotionless eyes and dead hearts were due to time. Is there a way to turn that around. Is there truly a way to maintain a childlike faith and beaming eyes as we take on the world. Are we all to resign to the fact that life is a beautiful mess – or tragedy, like how some may call it.

As you can tell, I think a little too much sometimes. I worry a little too much. I get fearful of the silliest things. But that’s just me and it’s ok. Someone once told me, ‘You do you’. Be proud of who you are, your idiosyncrasies and all the little parts you might hate about yourself. Keep swimming, keep moving. Smile a little more, be kind, be good to yourself and those that you love. All will be fine. Little steps.

lovebel

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